Emissaries

I mentioned that there were two things that occurred in the last two days. The second of these was the imminent arrival of Doris’s sister, husband and their too small children, to stay with us for ten days.

They are really lovely people who are always generous with their time and friendship when we visit them. Our house is, however, relatively small and, not having children, we are used to having it to ourselves. I think I find these visits a bit more of a strain than Doris, as I am an only child, whereas Doris has two sisters and two brothers.

The children are delightful but the fact is that I am not used to being around children – except when I was one! I just don’t know how to engage and participate in the games. I am not embarrassed or stuffy about it but, for me, it is a bit like looking at a car engine that isn’t working. I would like it to work but simply don’t know what to do to make it happen. I have tried, with a little success, but it is tough, especially as my German is lousy. Doris is, of course, brilliant with them.

So although I am genuinely happy to see them, but as their visit comes hard on the heels of four-day visit to Germany, I have to be honest and say that I would have preferred some time to ourselves. Ten days feels like a long time. And then this morning, I managed to reframe it and am greatly looking forward to their stay with us.

Before I go on, let me say that despite talking about spirituality in my first post, I am not a very touchy-feeling person. My Myers Briggs personality type profile (http://keirsey.com/personality/nt.html) describes me as “a Rational”. I am one of those myopic people who value truth above feelings. It is not a trait I admire in myself or others. Clearly, people are more important that an ephemeral notion of truth which, in any event, is in the eye of the beholder anyway.

Self-knowledge is great thing and I have worked hard to compensate. I still find myself, however, in situations saying, “no that is wrong” or more usually, “that film/book/programme is rubbish” without thinking about the effect of my words on the person I am speaking to – even if they are the most important person in my nlife. In short, I can seem to be a real non-caring areshole.

Disclaimer out of the way, I can now recount my reframing. What, I asked myself, if I regarded the visitors as emissaries from the place that is the destination of my pilgrimage? Should I not put aside my selfish discomfort to the welcome these….er Kings of the East? Should I not, getting biblical, wash their feet? With apologies to Satish, that one will have to be metaphorical for me.

Like a lot of reframing - mine at least – it sounded, at first, a bit ridiculous. But playing with the idea and pretending that it were true did change my attitude. What a strange thing is the human brain that it falls so easily for such trickery. But to my delight, it worked! I am now genuinely sorry that I will be away tomorrow night and will restrict my trip away next week to one rather than the usual two nights, so that I don’t miss out on seeing them.

How nice it is to have visitors – we should do it more often!