I tried to stutter a response but no words came out, as there were so many implications in that one short, loaded, sentence.
It had been preceded by, “I have been thinking about something and it's been bothering me.” This is the sort of sentence that, when I was a teenager, used to precede the discovery of pornographic magazines, condoms or other things far too embarrassing to reveal here. It is said with a particular tone of inquisitiveness that makes my stomach flip.
On this occasion, I had expected it to be about our journey. The previous day, I had finally gathered the courage to tell her about it. But no, it was about me being a slob – and the reasons for it!
Pressed on the subject of my new found status, she responded that I had been designated a slob because I, “go around in my pajamas all day”. Interestingly, after many years of somnolent nakedness and t-shirts, I was now the proud owner of not one but two pairs of pajamas - birthday presents from Doris. And, I had been in the habit, not being at work, of enjoying the decadence of wearing them until 09:00 on many days and, as I proudly but now mistakenly told my mum, all day on my birthday. Was mum exaggerating for effect, as she is prone to do?
“Hang on, it's 8:15 and I am dressed,” I said tetchily, relieved that, on this day, I was out of my pajamas earlier than usual.
“You're in your pajamas,” she said, pointing at my ultra-comfy, extended belly accommodating, grey check jeans from The Gap.
“These are jeans from The Gap – what did you think when I went out wearing them yesterday to buy your newspaper?”
“Well, I thought that was a bit strange.”
To be fair, she immediately apologised but, alas, with the grace of someone who felt that the facts had temporarily let her down but not undermined the essential assumption.
It is an ungenerous thought but, unfortunately, as she gets older and more ill, she becomes more cranky. Perhaps that happens to all of us as we get older and our dignity is stripped away? Always fiercely independent and proud of her hair, she now finds both compromised. It must be frustrating and dispiriting.
Sadly, her breathing difficulties do appear to be due to the encroachment of her cancer rather than a chest infection. The doctor, therefore, prescribed radiotherapy treatment which she had this week. It will be between four to six weeks before we know whether it will make a significant improvement.
Despite all of this, her morale seems high and, outwardly at least, unfazed by our trip. We shall see.
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